redbeltknight

Whenever it seems like I've come pretty far, I do something that sets me three steps back from where I started. What was it Plato said, about knowing he's wise because he knows he knows nothing? Was that even Plato anyway? It's been three years since Freshman Phil so it could be the wrong person altogether, but I always liked him best of the options we got so...

Not that Plato has anything to do with this. Or perhaps it is that he has a lot to do with it and I have not yet realized it. In any case, because I have been made a knight does not make me wise, it does not make me any more inclined to do and say the right thing. In fact, thinking it over, it makes me far more likely to struggle with doing those things, with holding to the example I must set and not only for myself. It makes those times I do the wrong thing seem to hurt so much more, because I know, somewhere inside me I have failed.

I knew that I would struggle when I came to be a knight. I don't think I ever doubted that, but I did not know how deep the struggle would be, what I would come to question...Somehow I did not think I'd fail so much, so OFTEN, so...

I'm not sure right now. I do apologize for what I said today, for being so rude when it was uncalled for, and the second it came out of my mouth I knew that it was wrong. And not only the people it involved saw, but my squire did too...

I shall...um...be polishing armor now.