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March 28th, 2012
November 18th, 2008
 | 09:59 pm - Dropping in and saying "hey"
I have been taking a well-deserved break from online and the (often) bad news it brings me.
It's been quiet, around here. It's also gotten poorer...and I can't figure out where the hell all our money is going.
I called the cell phone people, canceled my line and moved M's to a lower single plan. That'll save us a good $20 per month. I also had to deal with AT&T today, whether I wanted to, or not - I'd scheduled a $50 payment that somehow did not go through. Today, when I signed on shortly after waking up, my AT&T-related email address wasn't working, so I got on the web to see if I could get to it that way. That's when I found out that they'd "suspended" our account because we'd not paid anything. I know I scheduled that payment and the only thing I can figure out is they refused to take it because it wasn't the full amount. Be that as it may, I had to put my checking account further into the red (it was already there doggone it) and pay the full amount. While I was at it, I told them I wanted to make some changes in my services, so the guy supposedly transferred me to the department that takes care of that stuff...I sat on a dead line for an hour before I finally decided to hang up and redial. Normally there's muzak and stuff when you're waiting; this time there wasn't anything and I figured the transfer wasn't successfully completed. So, I get their stupid robot guy again, who still hasn't been "told" that I made the payment online (go figure - my DSL was supposedly suspended but I was still able to conduct business online) and wouldn't let me talk to a routine representative till I talked to one in Billing - again. She, as the guy before her, verified that I'd made the payment, and transferred me again. THIS time I got muzak and whatnot so I knew I hadn't been dropped. In a few minutes I was finally talking to the right person, who let me change a few things that should save us between $15 and $20 more per month.
Then, I sign onto the joint checking account to find out a $10 charge masquerading as a paypal subscription payment was made to the account. I asked M if he'd subscribed to anything and he said no...I have NO idea where it came from so I'm disputing it.
What we need to do is to find a person who is able to be generous, to give us about $500 so we can stop being overdrawn all the time and catch up on the back bills. I've been talking and praying to Goddess like crazy over this, because the stress from this "money bleed" is probably going to be the death of me.
At this point we have nothing - NOTHING - for Yule. No money for even one present for each of us. Nothing.
After all this time, I finally got notice that the VA is allowing me to contest their judgment in my claim for more benefits. I have this big ream of shit I have to go through and fill out. To do this I will have to send the form in for the records from my last neurologist, plus page through my considerable VA medical records. I've sat on this for a week mainly because I did not have the mental capacity to deal with it.
It's difficult to describe how I've been feeling. I've been on a stress rollercoaster since roughly June, between the money issues and the stalkers/harassers on LJ. Once my mind gets on that 'hamster wheel', it's hard to get back off, and it's just as hard to process feelings and get things done. I've spent the last week trying to do that - get off the wheel. It hasn't helped that a couple of credit card companies don't seem to comprehend "stop calling me" even after I sent them each a token $10 to get them to leave me alone. At this point, they've added to my burden of chores - I may have to look up the consumer law that states that if I tell them to stop calling, they have to, or they'll be subject to Federal penalties.
I'm scared, that much I know. I also feel like I'm "marking time", like maybe it's all going to come crashing down on the two of us, and it'll be all my fault, since I'm the money manager. I'm very angry, because nobody will help me. I'm very very sad, because I never thought things would get this bad. Lastly I feel a tremendous amount of guilt because it was my idea to use the credit cards to get groceries when we ran out of money - and that's turned into nothing but a delay because every month since they've been maxed out, we HAVE run out of money. That's why I decided to stop trying to pay the minimum amounts they ask. The way they compound the interest, minimum payments don't do jack shit to take the balances down, and my credit rating's already tanked, so what's the diff, yanno?
There's only so much that M can do. He's not ever dealt with a lot of this stuff so it's up to me to go it alone, and I find myself wishing again that somewhere, someone exists that could help pull me up out of all this shit...
If we had alcohol, I'd probably be drunk. If we had other mood-altering chemicals, I'd probably be stoned. I crave escape, and I see none. My "escape" has been playing SimCity Societies, recreating the world as I wish it could be. Last week M and I decided we both needed to treat ourselves, so we went to IHOP and had pancakes, eggs, and sausages (at least I did, M just had 'cakes and sausages), then went for an exploratory drive. We found the northern end of Sierra Hwy; they could've done THAT better, it just turns into a dead end. We found California City - or what passes for it - since it's obvious they had all kinds of plans for expansions that never happened. For instance: There's this very nice sign out in the middle of nowhere for a small office complex that was never built. There are signs they had subdivisions planned but it never got off the ground...so as a result, there are wide-open fields where the "city planners" had envisioned shopping centers and suburbs. We also talked a little more about finding a piece of land for what is now called "phase two" of our long-term goals. Phase Two is getting our house out of this park and onto its own land, after which we can see about bringing in another Sister and perhaps more mobile homes. Phase Three is going to be the large compound, and will be considerably bigger. This is not something we see happening for a decade or more.
I allowed myself to dream and not to think of the money-suck we're stuck in which makes it virtually impossible to find and buy that piece of land, much less get a mortgage to pay my landlord off for what I still owe him...that reminds me, yet another chore - compose a letter to him and fax it with the property tax bill I can't pay that he said he'd cover. *sigh* See what I mean?
At any rate, we had a very nice afternoon, and returned home to nap. Now M has been feeling shades of guilt over spending the gas/money on that little sojourn. I told him to cut it out, that we needed it, because we haven't been out of the house in quite literally MONTHS. No money for even a quick dinner at Denny's or something like that. The entire situation's been very hard on both of us.
But, as I said, I feel hopelessly trapped and my mind has become a logjam that I somehow have to clear if I can expect to get anything done - and I've got plenty to accomplish.
Even so, I have been busy on my projects, and have yet another small baby blanket nearly completed. I decided to keep doing this kind of stuff at first, because it's quick and I can sell each piece for, say, $25-$35 apiece. But that's another thing - I can't list them on Etsy till the first, because it costs like 60 cents per item to list. Until then, I will likely advertise them here on my blog, so please pass the word around, because I really need to be making extra money, and this is the only way I can do it without fatiguing myself back into oblivion.
So, now y'all know where I've been, and what I've been doing (or not doing as the case may be). Just to show that there's still a touch of optimist in me, I'll close out with two photos I took of an especially glorious sunset sometime last week. The one is obviously scattered clouds picking up color; the other requires a little more explanation. The second photo captured what is called a Lenticular Wave coming over the Tehachapis to my northwest. What I was seeing was the underside of the clouds, which looked like they'd been "poked up" by the tips of the mountains. The reddish light from the sunset caught the unusual detail in these concave areas. Believe me, it was far more spectacular in real life than these two photos can capture.
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-sour.gif) frustrated
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November 9th, 2008
| 06:32 am - Keep up the good work!
Los Angeles Protests Stop Mormon Marriages
"Without fully realizing it, gay marriage proponents have stumbled onto an effective protest tool--close down a temple, and Mormons, too, will not be able to marry each other."
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-happy.gif) happy
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| 06:07 am - Check It Out
From 52 to 48 With Love (and Vice Versa)
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-think.gif) contemplative
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| 03:34 am - Will financial crisis be our defining moment?
(I got this in email)
BY
MITCH ALBOM • FREE PRESS COLUMNIST • October 12, 2008
As the financial markets tumble and America stands on the brink of a depression, people want to know how on Earth we can fix this.
I know the answer. But you may not like it.
We're gonna have to be nicer to each other.
Yep. That's what I said. Nicer to each other. And before you dismiss this as simplistic drivel, ask yourself a question: If it's so simple, how come we haven't done it yet?
Then ask yourself: What's the biggest difference between America now and America during the Depression?
The difference is people back then were willing to sacrifice, to do without, to cobble through the hard times and pull together because they believed in the future and they believed in their country.
We need to do the same.
Which means a change in the status quo. A change in our blame-someone-else mentality. A change in the hate-mongering that goes on from right to left and left to right in the news media, in politics, in town halls, in barbershops.
If we're going to weather this mess, if we're going to avert total financial meltdown, if we're ever really going to see brighter days ahead, then here's what we'll have to do:
Our national to-do list
We'll have to stop blaming the poor for buying houses they couldn't afford.
We'll have to stop blaming the rich because they wanted more money.
We'll have to stop screaming at Democrats, "You created this problem."
We'll have to stop screaming at Republicans, "You're the reason this happened."
We'll have to help the downtrodden, because without our help they may not make it.
We'll have to look out for the elderly, because if illness comes, they can't wait until the markets rebound.
We'll have to teach our kids that tough times don't last, but tough people do.
We'll have to help our neighbor find a job, because next thing you know, it could be us asking for work.
We'll have to take an interest in our community, because feeling part of something may be the only way we climb out of this.
We'll have to get behind the new president, whoever he may be, because a country as divided as this one will never be able to climb out of the muck.
We'll have to find a laugh, together, in cutting back to one car, or taking a local vacation, or living without computer upgrades, because if we can't share a laugh over this whole mess, we'll just want to cry.
Worst of times, best of people
The well-to-do will have to accept that poor people are not stupid or second class -- former high-flying executives are now out in the street, too -- and those living paycheck-to-paycheck are not here to be taken advantage of.
The less well-off will have to accept that wealth is earned, it is not a right, it is not something you're supposed to have just because people on television have it. You save, you sacrifice, you avoid debt -- those are qualities of admirable folks, not suckers.
The comfortable must know that if they don't help those in need, the needy may be pushed to the brink.
The needy must believe that, no matter what, you don't lose your soul over this, you don't steal, you don't rob, you don't break the law for money.
These are depressing times, awful times. But they also can be times of opportunity. How many of us know a parent or grandparent who claims the greatest lessons they learned came from the Depression? How many of them harken back to that as a time when we realized what was really important, and we all pulled together?
Our turn at that may be coming. If so, dial down your anger. Help someone out. Appreciate the life you have, knowing it could be worse. And slowly, surprisingly, this rainstorm may actually bring us closer together.
I don't know if we're strong enough. But I know how it begins. Take a small step. Be nicer to one another. Stop seeing the next guy as your enemy, and start seeing him as your friend, a friend in need, a countryman indeed.
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: contemplative
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November 8th, 2008
| 04:43 am - The Election: It Had to Be this Way
Sauce
The Democrats winning Congress and the White House just had to happen. If we are ever going to change this country from an empire to a representative democracy, we have to rid ourselves of the notion that one corporate political party can do anything toward that goal. Barack Obama will be the catalyst for a new movement, away from false hope and false promises, not because he will deliver to the people of this country anything worthwhile, but because he won’t. This will be the final nail in the coffin of our corporatist society.
There are so many so-called “progressives” that have believed that it was the Bush Republican neo-cons that have gotten us where we are. This is wishful thinking. The Democratic 110th Congress did nothing but rubber-stamp every bill that was put before it. Democrats have blindly caved in to fear of being called “anti-patriotic” if they voted against the meaningless war in Iraq. They put their political fortunes ahead of their conscience at every opportunity, from Pelosi taking impeachment “off the table” to voting for the new FISA bill that granted telecoms immunity from illegally working with the executive branch to illegally eavesdrop on US citizens. They passed every military budget and went along with almost every Bush attack on our civil liberties. How one could possibly imagine that Barack Obama or any other Democrat could undo the damage they helped to create is just wishful thinking.
This election had to happen this way if we are ever going to understand what we are up against. I voted for Barack Obama because it happened to be a win-win situation. The truth must be told and this is the only way to tell it. When the phony left, the ones who claim not to be liberals, but “progressives”, understand that there is not a dime’s worth of difference between the Corporate GOP and the Corporate Democrats, then we will see our way to a rebirth of our civil liberties. This is the only way to convince the die-hard Democrats that their party has changed, and not for the better. The American Empire is alive and well operating in concert with the DNC, make no mistake about it. I wish I was wrong, in fact I would welcome any type of change towards a real representative government that put the people first, but I am saddened when I write that all indications don’t point that way.
The time for real change is now. I must tell you that the change we seek will not come from the President-Elect, but from the disgust and anger we will all feel when corporate interests and the Military Industrial Complex (corporate welfare) dominate the Democrats agenda. War will not end; it will be moved to different theaters. We have seen both Obama and Biden accuse the Russians of aggression towards Georgia when most Americans realize that it was the other way around. These facts should not be lost on anyone. Many Progressives tell us that they will “hold the Democrats feet to the fire”. This is also wishful thinking. They said the same thing after the 2006 election. Their feet were unfettered and the only thing that was held to the fire was their concern for the majority of Americans that have been disgusted with their county’s behavior. Nothing changed with that Democratic Congress; excuse after excuse was silently borne by those Americans that should have known better.
Now the time has come to actually put up or shut up. Mr. Obama has already chosen a Democratic interventionist in Joe Biden, a man who never saw a war he didn’t like. The self-proclaimed Zionist that has stood with AIPAC since its inception, a man that ranks right up there with Bush when it comes to Iran and Palestine. Obama has also kowtowed to the Israeli’s, and there doesn’t seem to be any hope for those that want America to look at both sides of the tensions in the Middle East. We will blindly follow the Israelis as far as they wish to take us, for their own self-interests.
This is what we have to look forward to. We can count on the Democrats to put Wall Street first with more massive bailouts instead of fixing the root of the problems we have. Corporate self interest and government intervention will be the norm. I can see four years ahead when the Democrats will claim that President Obama only did what he had to do to ensure another term so then he will really be able to “fix” things. Maybe by then the majority of Americans will realize that they have been taken for a two decade ride. I can hope that by the time the next Presidential election comes along; both corporate political parties will be regulated to the dustbin of history.
I don’t want to make money or live in a militarily strong country. I don’t want to see America rule the world. I just want our country to do the right thing when it comes to its citizens. I want the middle class to grow again. I want our children to get a first class education. Terrorism is overstated and used to disguise wars for resources. We should be spending our time devising new alternative energies. We should be spending more on cancer research and less on weapons of war. We should be able to feed and clothe our poorest of citizens. We should stop borrowing against the future and we should be working to cure the ills of today. One more M1A1 Tank will not feed a community. The statues quo is criminal. It was devised and put in place by criminals. They should be charged for crimes against humanity.
Will this happen? I don’t believe it will. The next chance that comes along, recycled neo-cons will be put back in office four or eight years hence. We will continue to use the world for our military stomping ground. That is, unless we learn from what the new Democratic Congress and the new Democratic President will bring. I’m afraid we will again be hoodwinked. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I’m hoping that won’t happen, but I have my doubts. I can only hope that Americans see this for what it is, and that’s just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Unless the Democrats develop some kind of conscience, or the American people develop some kind of awareness, I believe we are in for a very rough ride. Still, it has to be this way. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-disgu.gif) cynical
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November 5th, 2008
| 02:23 pm - The Day After
I hate to be the one who rains on your (generic) parade...but I find I must make my position clear, once again, especially with so many criticizing my Life Partner for choosing not to vote.
If you remember, I was a Clinton supporter. I truly believed - and still do - that she possessed far more experience than Obama does. Be that as it may, I did vote for Obama, but not because I was thoroughly enthralled by him, as many of you seem to be.
I voted for Obama because I didn't want McCrusty and Barbie Doll Palin in the White House.
Sometime during the campaign, I made a comment to one of the journals on my flist and this comment embodied something that had become blatantly obvious to me, but hadn't truly "gelled" until the conversation of the time. To paraphrase:
There are not multiple parties in our electoral process. Lip service is paid to other parties, but not once have they been allowed to succeed. They exist to pacify those who would otherwise object to the idea that there aren't any more than two political parties. And on that note...there haven't been two parties for a very long time. It is One Party - whichever factions of the Oligarchy unite at the time to push their agenda for that election cycle.
MONEY runs this country. If you doubt that, take another look at the current economic crash, how it was addressed, and what is being done with the tax dollars being handed to the largest banks in this country.
It is way too easy to forget that both Gore and Kerry carried the popular vote during their elections. In Gore's case, the Supreme Court was told to put an end to his challenge. In Kerry's case - think about it - he gave in way too easily. Think about how quick Kerry gave in. It was blatantly obvious he was "told" not to challenge what had been done. Ken Blackwell in Ohio stated time and again he would "hand Ohio to Bush". Jeb Bush, down in Florida, always made sure his state went for his family interests. Are either of these people behind bars for their obvious electoral tinkering? No, and why? Because they did as they were told.
MONEY, in the form of Oligarchy, or the factions of highest wealth that truly run this world and especially the USA, saw that the "kids had gone too far" in the past 8 years. They recognized that the soaring bubbles on Wall Street were NOT going to last forever; in fact, the "kids" had been allowed to "play" so long that they have seriously threatened this country as a base for MONEY to control everything else.
They needed a Savior, someone who was just as good as - hell, surpasses - both Reagan and the Kennedys in reaching the populace in a meaningful, emotional manner. We have a new Silver Tongue and his name is Barack Obama.
Obama became the 'darling' of MONEY. His grassroots and relatively humble beginnings make him very easy to relate to. His ethnicity alone stirred the Black Vote into getting out as it never has, before. He (and his speech writers) knew exactly what this downtrodden country needed to hear, and they laid it on, thick as cream.
Hillary Clinton did possess far more experience, but she had two things against her from the very start: Her bluntness and her womanhood. This country isn't yet to the point where they could accept a woman as Commander-in-Chief, no matter HOW progressive you think it is. A man, even of Black ancestry, was far more palatable than any woman, no matter how much better qualified.
Obama's been guided, groomed, briefed, and shepherded all along his campaign.
And when have you seen the Republicans run such a truly shitty campaign as McCain did? It's not their style. It was obvious to me that McCain was doing all he could TO lose this election. He wasn't the "Favored Son" this go-around. He deliberately screwed up sound bites. He deliberately picked a vice presidential candidate who was clearly unqualified for the job. He was going through the motions, and anyone watching closely could see that's all it was. ALL the Democrats would've had to sit home on their hands in order for this pair to win. I'm not kidding. Think back over the campaign, and this time, think of it with a discriminating, analyzing eye.
It was all of this, and so much more, that caused my Life Partner to have a mini-breakdown which quite literally physically prevented him from going down to the polls - especially after seeing what he did, that morning. It was a very wrenching and intensely personal decision on his part, and as I watched the outpouring of chaos from his emotions, I had to respect his decision. It would have caused him physical harm to force himself back down to the polls. I've seen what happens when he forces himself to do something he is physically adverse to - he gets sick. VERY sick.
For those of you who have attacked him for his choice, up to, and including, defriending him, I ask you where in the hell your mind is at right now. Are you STILL so wrapped up in the Obama "thrall" that you cannot see what an ordeal your friend went through, even after actively campaigning for the man?
I'll say the same thing to you that I've said to many a Christian: The one you believe in preached unity, loving your neighbor, being empathetic. He did NOT want you to get vicious and spiteful because someone didn't do what you thought they should do. That's the LAST thing he wanted.
The above statement fits two figures: Jesus, and Obama. Consider THAT one before you fling around more attitude at those who may have chosen not to vote, for their own reasons. Consider that if you're tempted to get vicious like I've already witnessed, that perhaps you're just a wee bit too caught up in the emotion that the Obama campaign deliberately used to hook you in.
Don't get me wrong - Captain Crusty and Barbie Doll Palin in the White House was not a viable choice. I'm just trying to 'ground' you a little bit, and make you realize how emotions can run high - in BOTH directions - and how now what we need is for everyone to settle down and work together, because I guarantee you that you voted for a man - NOT a god. Since he's not a god, he isn't all-powerful, and it's going to take the work of the grassroots to get some of this work done.
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-weak.gif) tired
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November 4th, 2008
 | 11:20 pm - We did it!!!
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-laugh.gif) ecstatic
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| 11:16 pm - Where I've been
I've been off finishing some projects!
I have two I will be putting up for sale; one is a baby afghan, one is a lap blanket.
Here are pictures of the baby afghan:
(Click the pics for bigger)
Here is a picture of the lap blanket:
(Click for bigger)
It's hard to tell but that's not magenta, it's ranch red ;) Blame my digital camera skills.
I plan to offer them for $25 and $30 plus shipping, respectively. Let me know what you think!
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-wicke.gif) accomplished
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October 29th, 2008
| 08:44 am - LMAO!!!
| Which famous Serial Killer are you? Susan Atkins You're Susan Atkins. Susan was described as a quiet, self-conscious girl who unfortunately was infatuated with Charles Manson and even joined the 'Manson Family'. Because she had a hard, unstable childhood and left home at an early age it was easy for her to become manipulated and convinced into doing the dirty work for Manson. It has been said that she believed in Manson to be Jesus. Atkins was part of the famous, notorious Tate/LaBianca murders. 
| Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Psst...M was Manson, that's why it's so funny...lolol!
Current Location: SoCal
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-amuse.gif) amused
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October 22nd, 2008
| 05:17 pm - In a Word - What's a "Borderline" Rape?
"One young woman I knew was awakened from a sound sleep to find her boyfriend having sex with her without a condom, apparently feeling free to make use of her sleeping form without either protection or consent. Another friend described being in a remote mountain cabin with a long-time boyfriend who forced her to have sex after she’d said No. Another women confided (years into our friendship) that her first husband’s abuse had included sex she didn’t want to have. And before I was even 30, I’d met not one but two women who’d lost their virginity to date rape by men they'd thought they knew and could trust. I’ve known many other women who’ve been assaulted, but it’s these stories of betrayal in spaces that the women thought were safe, with men they thought they knew, that most haunt me."
I think just about every woman of dating age and older can relate a case where a man forced themselves, despite the woman's intention not to have sex.
I can remember more than one, myself. The new boyfriend who took me to a bar on Ladie's Night (free drinks for the women), who was not only a cheapskate that way but made sure I got more than my share - then took me back to his apartment and had sex with a very drunk me. There have been times when I was sick, or times when all I wanted was an understanding cuddle, where the man involved had - and acted on - other intentions.
At times I ask myself "why weren't you more insistent about saying no?" In my younger days, I'd say it's because I didn't fully realize it was my right to say no, and mean it. I was just as brainwashed by Patriarchal ideas of "ownership of women" as anyone else. Later on, I can't tell you why I wasn't more insistent, except to say that I didn't want the situation to get ugly, I guess.
It's a shame when it takes a woman over half her life to realize that she DOES have the right to say No - and mean it.
I do recall a situation where I said no, meant it, and the man was intelligent enough not to push an advantage. I was having an MS flare where most of my body was quite literally numb to the touch. This guy I'd dated, whom I wasn't really interested in anymore (blazing misogynist) called me on the phone and begged me for sex. I even allowed him to come over to the house, and he continued to beg me. Perhaps I let him come over because this guy thought he was God's gift to women and it was personally satisfying to see him beg; regardless, he did NOT get sex that night, and had enough sense not to contact me again.
Women need to know that it's not okay for a man to force himself on her - at any time. They need to know how to say no, and stick to it, no matter what, and if they are ignored, they need to know that the court system is there for justice.
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-winso.gif) calm
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| 06:03 am - How to be Poly-Friendly / General Ramblitoid
"Please read this piece in a constructive and positive manner. It is really intended in a spirit of friendship and cooperation. I am not saying that all monogamous people must do all these things right now - just that every time you do one of these things, it really makes our lives easier and we really appreciate it. Many of these things are small and easy considerations. My hope is that monogamous people who are new to the idea of polyamory will use this list as a reference guide to avoid many of the usual monogamous/polyamorous interaction pitfalls."
This is a very good piece and I highly recommend it to those both monogamous and otherwise.
I spent the majority of the day in a very mixed mood. It started early this afternoon when I was out on the porch for my "morning libations" (a couple of cigs and a monster drink). I was sitting there conversing with M when our park manager came walking down the street. It seems the park owners have been on her case about weeds and whatnot, and she informed us she would be issuing 7- and 14-day notices down our street in the next day or two. She also informed us that we'd get two - one for the "xmas" lights we still have up, and one for the weeds, mainly in our front yard.
Now the weeds I can understand, and we do have to do something about them. If I had the money, I'd get landscape fabric and we'd put that under the stones, now ... but as we all know, personal economies are tight, and ours is very tight, so that will have to wait. I've also toyed around with the idea of raking the stones back to the borders of the two sides of the front yard, and planting wildflowers right smack in the middle.
The lights are another matter. We're not Christian, so they're not Christmas lights. We've kept them up, not because we're lazy, but because we like them. The only reason we haven't turned them on lately is because we suspect the neighbors would be irritated. I do intend to use them for Trick or Treat Night, because they do a nice job of lighting up the porch, and letting the kids know we're there with candy, since the porch light has this habit of overheating and turning itself off.
The notice on the lights is a 7-day notice, and I told her we are going to use them on Halloween. She didn't like that, but that's just the way it's going to be.
Part of my feelings are (a) frustration, because my health won't allow me to do the weeds, which means M has to. We can't afford to hire anyone to take them out - and right now, the only people available TO hire are the next door neighbors who won't even look at us ever since we had to threaten them with the sheriff to get them to take care of their (now long deceased) sick dog. Sorry, but I really don't feel like paying someone who so obviously resents me that much.
Another part has to do with our beliefs and lifestyle, which runs very contrary to what most of our neighbors have accepted as normal.
We don't dare tell the park manager that we're Pagan, so the "xmas" lights have uses several times per year.
We don't dare tell the park manager that we're in a Master/slave relationship.
We don't dare tell the park manager that we're polyamorous.
I am both angry, and feeling trapped. I've been ignoring my ringing phone all month, because, to make it through, I paid nothing whatsoever on my credit card bills...and because of those bills, my credit rating is back in the basement. Even if I did have a decent credit rating, I highly doubt I could find anyone who would be willing to give me a mortgage for both the house AND a plot of land...because let's face it, we gotta get out of this park.
One. When I lived in WI, I deliberately left foliage growing along the edges of my yard and house. There was quite a bit of wildlife in the area, and quite a bit lived on my large lot.
I only wish I could do that here. Imagine my surprise when I spied those two California Quail walking the wall out back! The ONLY reason they were back there is because I've let the native sage grow up back there, and it would make perfect cover for a nest (not to mention that we don't have dogs so they wouldn't be disturbed). It bothers the hell out of me that if it isn't cultivated, then it's gotta go. Who is it hurting back there? Nobody. But it's just the fact that it's natural for goodness sakes, so it's gotta go. Park manager would rather see ugly bare ground out there than the natural sage. Actually, I'm supposed to "landscape" it but natural sage doesn't count.
It also doesn't make a whole lotta sense why people can't have clotheslines in their back yards. You can't. Not any kind, not the self-contained kind, nothing.
They also get quite upset if you have your own inflatable wading pool. You're "expected" to use the park pool and you're not allowed to have one of your own.
I need my own fucking land, that's all there is to it. What would happen if people in here figured out we weren't "nice little republican christians"? What would happen if we had ourselves a play party and there was noise? I can tell you what would happen - the county sheriff would be knocking on the door, wanting to know who was being beat up! What would happen if we found Sister Two? I'd have to ask permission before she could move in - and then how we'd likely get "looked at" with two women living with one man, here!
No...we need our own fucking land.
And barring a miracle, that isn't going to happen as soon as I'd like.
Current Location: Not where I wanna be
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-fedup.gif) annoyed
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October 20th, 2008
 | 01:37 am - An Amazing Thing
I had the most amazing thing happen two days ago.
I had this pentacle that I'd purchased from ![[info]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) dragonhearth at one of the local Moots that I just loved. It's a pentacle with a full, 3-dimensional figure of a raven attached to the front of it.
I had this pentacle on last Samhain/Halloween, and decided to take it off, lest the children (or more likely their parents) would get the wrong idea during the candy hand-out. I laid it on my desk, and later on, when I wanted to wear it again, it had vanished.
Literally vanished.
I searched the floor and everywhere I could think of and it couldn't be found.
So I'm doing my usual Friday night "thing", which this time meant I was working on a crochet project while watching TV with M. I got up to go outside to smoke, and when I came back in, a real surprise was sitting on the floor, under my chair.
It was the pentacle and it didn't look any more tarnished than if I'd dropped it that very day.
I finally closed my mouth when M said "yanno a fly'll get in there".
Where it's been, and who had it, I have NO idea - all I know is I've been wearing it every day, ever since.
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: pleased
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October 19th, 2008
 | 10:03 pm - People Of The Lie / How To Detect Evil
M. Scott Peck, M.D. wrote a most important book for our times, People of the Lie, The Hope For Healing Human Evil, published in 1983 by Simon & Schuster. It’s a study of human evil. Peck said he chose the title “because lying is both a cause and a manifestation of evil. It is partly by their lying that we recognize the evil.”
Peck’s analysis of the Mylai massacre, its massive cover-up and the deceptions made by our government in the Viet Nam war should not be missed for its lessons for us today.
Peck wrote, “The cover-up was a gigantic group lie.” The troops of C Company of Task Force Barker killed between five and six hundred unarmed villagers. Significantly, a young officer by the name of Colin Powell participated in the cover-up.
Peck cites MyLai as an example of “group evil.” Writing twenty years ago, Peck told us back then: “Twenty years from now, when Vietnam has been largely forgotten, how easy it will be, with volunteers, to once again become involved in little foreign adventures. Such adventures will keep our military on its toes, provide it with real-life war games to test its prowess, and need not hurt or involve the average American citizen at all until it is too late.”
More
I Googled for information on M. Scott Peck's book after reading a most interesting post in sunfell's journal (not truly related, except for mentioning Mr. Peck). I have also put this book on my "intended reading" list at the local library.
This article gets at the core of what I was trying to express in this post awhile back (sorry, it's not visible for those not on my flist). The Yurica article doesn't mention fear, and yet, fear can be a great motivator in fomenting the kind of evil it does speak about. Take this excerpt:
"There is today in America a disease, a sickness of hatred. It’s very existence is a universal form of group narcissism. Peck calls it, “enemy creation,” or “hatred of the ‘out-group.’” If a group does not have an enemy, “it will most likely create one in short order.” Peck wrote, “The groups become cliques. Those who do not belong to the group are despised as being inferior or evil or both.”"
We see it, time and again - we're seeing it in the Presidential campaign right now, especially on the Republican side. The stoking of fears which in turn creates outright hatred as a defense. The "robot" calls going out trying desperately to tie Barack Obama to terrorism by means of a slight association with someone and his early childhood upbringing. It does not matter if it's not true - it strikes at the core of people's fears and gives them a target at which to aim their reactionary hatred.
Over at jblaque's journal, he writes about something his wife did after reading that some average Joe Citizen is deciding to vote for McCain "because he's not black". Here we are, in the 21st century. Many may think this country has grown beyond its need for such racism, and yet, this Presidential campaign has shown that ALL the prejudices - ALL of them - are alive and well. The prejudice against a woman being President (all the shit thrown at Hillary). The prejudice against blacks and minorities (people at McCain's rallies calling for Barack to be killed). Those who will vote for McCain simply because he is a white man, an entrenched member of the Patriarchy. There is no common sense in those reactions - and they are reactions. A great deal of Americans have turned into pure reactionaries. They have not been taught or nurtured into thinking for themselves; they have this stuff "thrown" at them, and they react to it.
People are people are people. The evil, hatred, and fear are, if anything, reflected twice as strongly online. The cliquiness is very evident in the way people group themselves; them against us. In an environment which one would hope the best would shine from people, their worst traits are magnified tenfold. If anything, it is an accurate representation of how people have not changed: Despite the Civil Rights Movement, despite the Feminism Movements, despite all the hard work, most people hang onto their 'personal evil' as though letting go would mean they didn't know themselves. And perhaps they wouldn't - after all, these things become deep-seated after generation upon generation of exposure. The only thing that keeps things from being totally chaotic offline are laws that forbid the expression of such evil and hatred. We don't (as yet) have such laws governing the online world.
How can we fight this? CAN we fight it? It all depends on how much folks are inclined to change for the better. In this consumerist culture, we have to find a way to "sell" it to the masses, make it desirable, make it coveted. I'm not sure how to do that myself, and a goodly part of it has to do with my very non-consumerist attitude. Perhaps others can come up with ideas. All I can realistically do is my best NOT to reflect this type of "evil".
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: contemplative
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| 03:22 am - For All My Ladyfriends
Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Warning: Not safe for work!
Enjoy!
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: happy
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| 03:04 am - The Internal Clitoris
( Probably not SFW )
Found Here
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-naugh.gif) curious
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October 14th, 2008
| 07:48 pm - Tim Wise on Fascism
This is How Fascism Comes:
Reflections on the Cost of Silence
By Tim Wise
October 12, 2008
For those who have seen the ugliness and heard the vitriol emanating from the mouths of persons attending McCain/Palin rallies this past week--what with their demands to kill Barack Obama, slurs that he is a terrorist and a traitor, and paranoid delusions about his crypto-Muslim designs on America--please know this: This is how fascism comes to an ostensible democracy.
If it comes--and if those whose poisonous, unhinged verbiage has been so ubiquitous this week have any say over it, it surely will--this is how it will happen: not with tanks and jackbooted storm troopers, but carried in the hearts of men and women dressed in comfortable shoes, with baseball caps, and What Would Jesus Do? wristbands. It will be heralded by up-dos, designer glasses, you-betcha folksiness and a disdain for big words or hard consonants.
If fascism comes, it will spring from the soil of middle America, from people known as values voters but whose values are toxic, from simple folk whose simplicity, far from being admirable, is better labeled ignorance, from "all-American" types whose patriotism is a dagger pointed at the very heart of the national interest, for it so forsakes all the best principles upon which the republic was founded, choosing instead to elevate and ratify the narrow-mindedness, the bigotry, and the intolerance that also marked our country's origins.
If fascism comes, it will be ushered in by tailgaters at the big football game, by Joe Six Pack, who, upon finishing his sixth beer and belching forth the stench of a mediocre life lived, will gladly announce its arrival, so long as it comes with a steady supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon and hot dogs on the grill, and giant foam hands with a "We're Number 1" finger, some Mardi Gras beads and a good titty bar.
If fascism comes it will dress like a hockey mom, or a NASCAR dad. It will believe Toby Keith to be an artist, Larry the Cable Guy to be a comic, and that the world was made in six literal days less than 6000 years ago.
If fascism comes it will come from the small towns; the ones Sarah Palin, quoting a famous racist and Jew-hater, said "grow good people," and which occasionally do, but which, just as often grow provincial, isolated, fearful and superstitious ones.
If fascism comes it will come from faux populism, from anti-immigrant hysteria, from persons who have more guns in their homes than books, or whose books, when they have them, are principally volumes of the Left Behind series, several different copies of the Bible, and a plethora of romance novels.
If fascism comes it will be welcomed, lock stock and barrel by persons who pray at every meal to a God they visualize as white, whose son they also think was white, and who they believe is going to rapture them all into the sky upon the blowing of some heavenly trumpet, after which point all those who don't think as they think will be burned in an eternal lake of fire. Their vision and version of God is itself fascistic--to love a God who would do such a thing is to love an abusive, sadistic and evil deity after all--so it should come as little surprise that their conception of the state would be equally authoritarian or worse.
If fascism comes it will be at the behest of those who hold a contempt for what they call "book learnin," who prefer Presidents who mispronounce basic words because they make them feel smarter, and who are looking for nothing so much as a commander-in-chief with whom they would enjoy having a beer, or two, or twelve at some backyard barbecue.
If fascism comes it will be interviewed, lovingly, on talk radio, by hosts whose cerebral inadequacies are more than made up for by their bellicosity, their bombast, their willingness to shout down those with whom they cannot argue, for argument requires knowledge, and this is a commodity with which they have not even a passing familiarity.
If fascism comes it will come wrapped in red,white and blue, carrying a crucifix and a shotgun, projecting its own sexual confusion and insecurity onto others, substituting volume for veracity and rage for reason, and landing on the New York Times best-seller list as a result.
If fascism comes it will have a pajama party at Ann Coulter's house, pop pills with Rush Limbaugh, and go gay-bashing with Michael Savage, all in the same weekend. And it will refuse to learn another language or get a passport, because doing either of those would make one cosmopolitan--which is just another word for "faggot."
If fascism comes it will come because a lot of people who aren't like the folks I'm talking about here, won't stand up to the ones who are. Because we're too busy, don't want to make waves, don't want to lose friends, or alienate family. It will come, in other words, because those who know better are cowards, more concerned with getting along, making nice, and being liked than with telling the truth, calling out evil and saving their country.
If fascism comes it will come because of the silence, and thus, collaboration of those who think themselves good, and certainly superior to the knuckle-draggers they can see on YouTube at the McCain rallies, but who in the end are no better and in some ways worse than they: after all, at least fascists stand up for what they believe in. They are telling us, in no uncertain terms what kind of United States they want and are willing to fight for, and maybe even to kill for. But many "progressives," many liberals, many of the so-called enlightened are doing nothing at all.
If fascism comes it will come because those liberals thought voting for Barack Obama was all they needed to do; it will come because they allowed themselves to believe that politics is what a person does every four years, but not at work, and not in the neighborhood, and not at the dinner table. Meanwhile, know-nothings filled with hate, nurtured on racial and religious bigotry and who have overdosed on the kind of hypernationalism that has always proved fatal to those places foolish or craven enough to allow it a foothold, talk of their visions for America at every opportunity. They raise their kids on that sickness, they build churches whose very foundation is rooted in that cancerous rot, and they will think nothing of steamrolling those who get in their way.
So when, exactly, do we fight back? When do we say enough? When do we stand up to our relative or friend who sends us the e-mail about Obama being a Manchurian Candidate or al-Qaeda sympathizer, or the one about the decency of Midwestern flood victims as opposed to those stranded after Katrina, or about how God was punishing New Orleans because of its tolerance of homosexuality, and tell them what we think: namely, that they are a bunch of racist, heterosexist loons, whose friendship or familial connection we neither want nor intend to pursue unless they get help. When do we decide that we love our country and humanity too much to allow these people one more day of decent sleep, one more day of self-assured confidence in their craziness and the willingness of the rest of us to just take it? When do we decide that every irrational, Jeezoid, racist thing that comes from their mouths will be attacked, will be rebutted, until they can no longer take for granted the ability to say any of it in mixed company without being called out?
Why, in the face of the fascism they would surely introduce if given the chance, are we intent on being so nice? Why are we not more offended? Offended not merely at what such persons say about others--like Obama, or Latino immigrants, or whatever--but even about we who look like them? After all, their open exhortations of racism presuppose that they are speaking for us, and that this kind of brain-dead ventilation is something to which all white folks should aspire as though it were virtually the essence of enlightenment.
If fascism comes it will come because we did not see in their actions a sufficient threat, or because we allowed ourselves to believe that it couldn't come, that our institutions were too strong, our people too good, for that to happen. If it comes it will come because we allowed ourselves to believe the rosy and optimistic version of America spun by Obama, without tempering that optimism with a clear-headed appraisal of the way that (sadly) a still huge number of Americans actually think: because we allowed the vehicle of our hopes to outrun the headlights of truth; because we convinced ourselves that we actually lived in the country of our aspirations, rather than the nation we have at present.
And if fascism doesn't come--if, rather, democracy does--it will come because good people said no. It will come because we saw in this moment the opportunity to demand the full measure of our humanity and to pour it forth upon the national soil. It will be because we understood that democracy isn't what you have, it's what you do. But if we are to issue that demand, if we are to stand straight and fulfill the potential we possess to do justice, we had best exercise the option quickly, for the opponents of justice are on the move. They are preparing to enter on the winds of our silence and indifference, and complacency. Let them find no quarter here.
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The above essay appeared on Tim Wise's Facebook page
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=658220669&ref=ts
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: cynical
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October 13th, 2008
 | 10:14 pm - Silly meme
The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
| | Category | Your Score | Average LJer | | Community Attachment | 36.56%
There's something special about you. Every once in awhile, one of your topics gets everyone chatting. | 22.88% | | MemeSheepage | 38.6%
An expert on multiple-choice questions, an whiz at the cut-and-paste | 27.63% | | Original Content | 58.06%
Using LiveJournal to express a few strong opinions | 38.09% | | Psychodrama Quotient | 46.99%
Would it kill you to smile? CHEER UP! | 16.62% | | Attention Whoring | 34.09%
This quiz is part of a grand scheme to keep people reading | 20.68% | |
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.commiejournal.com/img/moods/mousekit/mo-blah.gif) bored
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 | 05:22 pm - Vulture Medicine
The turkey vultures in this area are getting ready to migrate. I've seen them fly over the house twice, now, and it's almost like they were waiting for me to be outside to see them.
Here's some information on Vulture Medicine from http://www.allearthecotours.com/vulture_medicine.htm:
"The Cherokee know the Vulture as 'Peace Eagle', for the Turkey Vulture Kills Nothing. The scientific latin name for vulture is Catharsis Aura ~ Golden Purifier. The job the vulture performs is a sacred service for all animal life forms. The toxins, pathogens and diseases that are possible as animals decompose and rot is substantial. The vulture was designed to clean this up. And with this purpose it accomplishes the Creators will with honor and no complaints.
The vulture does what needs to be done. It cleans up, protects, and is connected to the water as its protector. To some it is ugly, but upon the invisible air it rides the current defying gravity with beauty and grace. It teaches us that nasty jobs of service that need to get done are rewarded with great gifts.
The vulture is often looked down upon. However, the vulture in fact, looks down on you. The vulture sees all and knows what is done to the Earthly Mother
The vulture mates for life, and lives in community upon a communal roost each night. This roost location varies each night. Each vulture 'clan' cleaning the territory as it sees fit. With communication that is transacted from many miles away, a vulture can see the flight patterns of its brethren, with eyesight ten times better than our own (not verified). A clan chieftan sends a signal that is relayed each evening, and a roost is selected. These roosts can be constant for many years and even generations. A system of roosts helps to ensure that the land is purified systematically. The roost is usually on a ridge that overlooks a river, and is normally in a spot that receives the last of the days sun, as well the first at sunrise. Each morning, the vulture clan turns to face the sacred sun. Warming the feathers together in union before heading to work.
Eye contact with a vulture is easy. Just look at them and they see you.
The Egyptian Goddess Matt holds a vulture feather. Anubis, the jackal headed God, weighs your heart against Matts feather of truth. The Goddess Matt is protector of the Earth and her eyes are the eyes of the vulture ~ these eyes see all that we do, and will some day bring justice. In Greek & Assyrian mythology, the (old world) vulture was believed to be descended from the griffin, the guardian of the mysteries of life & death. The goddess Maat represents the ideals of law, order, and truth. The word, Maat translates "that which is straight." it implies anything that is true, ordered, or balanced. She was the female counterpart of Thoth. We know she is a very ancient goddess because we find her in the boat of Ra as it rose above the waters of the abyss of Nu on the first day. Together with Thoth, they charted the daily course of the sun god Ra. She is sometimes called the 'eye of Ra' or the 'daughter of Ra'."
You can read more on the page.
Cool, huh?
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: happy
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October 12th, 2008
| 09:47 pm - Matthew Wayne Shepard (December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998)
Current Location: Southern California
Current Mood: cynical
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