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Dropping in and saying "hey" [18 Nov 2008|09:59pm] magyar_saman [ mood | frustrated ] I have been taking a well-deserved break from online and the (often) bad news it brings me. It's been quiet, around here. It's also gotten poorer...and I can't figure out where the hell all our money is going. I called the cell phone people, canceled my line and moved M's to a lower single plan. That'll save us a good $20 per month. I also had to deal with AT&T today, whether I wanted to, or not - I'd scheduled a $50 payment that somehow did not go through. Today, when I signed on shortly after waking up, my AT&T-related email address wasn't working, so I got on the web to see if I could get to it that way. That's when I found out that they'd "suspended" our account because we'd not paid anything. I know I scheduled that payment and the only thing I can figure out is they refused to take it because it wasn't the full amount. Be that as it may, I had to put my checking account further into the red (it was already there doggone it) and pay the full amount. While I was at it, I told them I wanted to make some changes in my services, so the guy supposedly transferred me to the department that takes care of that stuff...I sat on a dead line for an hour before I finally decided to hang up and redial. Normally there's muzak and stuff when you're waiting; this time there wasn't anything and I figured the transfer wasn't successfully completed. So, I get their stupid robot guy again, who still hasn't been "told" that I made the payment online (go figure - my DSL was supposedly suspended but I was still able to conduct business online) and wouldn't let me talk to a routine representative till I talked to one in Billing - again. She, as the guy before her, verified that I'd made the payment, and transferred me again. THIS time I got muzak and whatnot so I knew I hadn't been dropped. In a few minutes I was finally talking to the right person, who let me change a few things that should save us between $15 and $20 more per month. Then, I sign onto the joint checking account to find out a $10 charge masquerading as a paypal subscription payment was made to the account. I asked M if he'd subscribed to anything and he said no...I have NO idea where it came from so I'm disputing it. What we need to do is to find a person who is able to be generous, to give us about $500 so we can stop being overdrawn all the time and catch up on the back bills. I've been talking and praying to Goddess like crazy over this, because the stress from this "money bleed" is probably going to be the death of me. At this point we have nothing - NOTHING - for Yule. No money for even one present for each of us. Nothing. After all this time, I finally got notice that the VA is allowing me to contest their judgment in my claim for more benefits. I have this big ream of shit I have to go through and fill out. To do this I will have to send the form in for the records from my last neurologist, plus page through my considerable VA medical records. I've sat on this for a week mainly because I did not have the mental capacity to deal with it. It's difficult to describe how I've been feeling. I've been on a stress rollercoaster since roughly June, between the money issues and the stalkers/harassers on LJ. Once my mind gets on that 'hamster wheel', it's hard to get back off, and it's just as hard to process feelings and get things done. I've spent the last week trying to do that - get off the wheel. It hasn't helped that a couple of credit card companies don't seem to comprehend "stop calling me" even after I sent them each a token $10 to get them to leave me alone. At this point, they've added to my burden of chores - I may have to look up the consumer law that states that if I tell them to stop calling, they have to, or they'll be subject to Federal penalties. I'm scared, that much I know. I also feel like I'm "marking time", like maybe it's all going to come crashing down on the two of us, and it'll be all my fault, since I'm the money manager. I'm very angry, because nobody will help me. I'm very very sad, because I never thought things would get this bad. Lastly I feel a tremendous amount of guilt because it was my idea to use the credit cards to get groceries when we ran out of money - and that's turned into nothing but a delay because every month since they've been maxed out, we HAVE run out of money. That's why I decided to stop trying to pay the minimum amounts they ask. The way they compound the interest, minimum payments don't do jack shit to take the balances down, and my credit rating's already tanked, so what's the diff, yanno? There's only so much that M can do. He's not ever dealt with a lot of this stuff so it's up to me to go it alone, and I find myself wishing again that somewhere, someone exists that could help pull me up out of all this shit... If we had alcohol, I'd probably be drunk. If we had other mood-altering chemicals, I'd probably be stoned. I crave escape, and I see none. My "escape" has been playing SimCity Societies, recreating the world as I wish it could be. Last week M and I decided we both needed to treat ourselves, so we went to IHOP and had pancakes, eggs, and sausages (at least I did, M just had 'cakes and sausages), then went for an exploratory drive. We found the northern end of Sierra Hwy; they could've done THAT better, it just turns into a dead end. We found California City - or what passes for it - since it's obvious they had all kinds of plans for expansions that never happened. For instance: There's this very nice sign out in the middle of nowhere for a small office complex that was never built. There are signs they had subdivisions planned but it never got off the ground...so as a result, there are wide-open fields where the "city planners" had envisioned shopping centers and suburbs. We also talked a little more about finding a piece of land for what is now called "phase two" of our long-term goals. Phase Two is getting our house out of this park and onto its own land, after which we can see about bringing in another Sister and perhaps more mobile homes. Phase Three is going to be the large compound, and will be considerably bigger. This is not something we see happening for a decade or more. I allowed myself to dream and not to think of the money-suck we're stuck in which makes it virtually impossible to find and buy that piece of land, much less get a mortgage to pay my landlord off for what I still owe him...that reminds me, yet another chore - compose a letter to him and fax it with the property tax bill I can't pay that he said he'd cover. *sigh* See what I mean? At any rate, we had a very nice afternoon, and returned home to nap. Now M has been feeling shades of guilt over spending the gas/money on that little sojourn. I told him to cut it out, that we needed it, because we haven't been out of the house in quite literally MONTHS. No money for even a quick dinner at Denny's or something like that. The entire situation's been very hard on both of us. But, as I said, I feel hopelessly trapped and my mind has become a logjam that I somehow have to clear if I can expect to get anything done - and I've got plenty to accomplish. Even so, I have been busy on my projects, and have yet another small baby blanket nearly completed. I decided to keep doing this kind of stuff at first, because it's quick and I can sell each piece for, say, $25-$35 apiece. But that's another thing - I can't list them on Etsy till the first, because it costs like 60 cents per item to list. Until then, I will likely advertise them here on my blog, so please pass the word around, because I really need to be making extra money, and this is the only way I can do it without fatiguing myself back into oblivion. So, now y'all know where I've been, and what I've been doing (or not doing as the case may be). Just to show that there's still a touch of optimist in me, I'll close out with two photos I took of an especially glorious sunset sometime last week. The one is obviously scattered clouds picking up color; the other requires a little more explanation. The second photo captured what is called a Lenticular Wave coming over the Tehachapis to my northwest. What I was seeing was the underside of the clouds, which looked like they'd been "poked up" by the tips of the mountains. The reddish light from the sunset caught the unusual detail in these concave areas. Believe me, it was far more spectacular in real life than these two photos can capture. post comment

Keep up the good work! [09 Nov 2008|06:32am] magyar_saman [ mood | happy ] Los Angeles Protests Stop Mormon Marriages "Without fully realizing it, gay marriage proponents have stumbled onto an effective protest tool--close down a temple, and Mormons, too, will not be able to marry each other."   post comment

Check It Out [09 Nov 2008|06:07am] magyar_saman [ mood | contemplative ] From 52 to 48 With Love (and Vice Versa) post comment

Will financial crisis be our defining moment? [09 Nov 2008|03:34am] magyar_saman [ mood | contemplative ] (I got this in email) BY MITCH ALBOM • FREE PRESS COLUMNIST • October 12, 2008 As the financial markets tumble and America stands on the brink of a depression, people want to know how on Earth we can fix this. I know the answer. But you may not like it. We're gonna have to be nicer to each other. Yep. That's what I said. Nicer to each other. And before you dismiss this as simplistic drivel, ask yourself a question: If it's so simple, how come we haven't done it yet? Then ask yourself: What's the biggest difference between America now and America during the Depression? The difference is people back then were willing to sacrifice, to do without, to cobble through the hard times and pull together because they believed in the future and they believed in their country. We need to do the same. Which means a change in the status quo. A change in our blame-someone-else mentality. A change in the hate-mongering that goes on from right to left and left to right in the news media, in politics, in town halls, in barbershops. If we're going to weather this mess, if we're going to avert total financial meltdown, if we're ever really going to see brighter days ahead, then here's what we'll have to do: Our national to-do list We'll have to stop blaming the poor for buying houses they couldn't afford. We'll have to stop blaming the rich because they wanted more money. We'll have to stop screaming at Democrats, "You created this problem." We'll have to stop screaming at Republicans, "You're the reason this happened." We'll have to help the downtrodden, because without our help they may not make it. We'll have to look out for the elderly, because if illness comes, they can't wait until the markets rebound. We'll have to teach our kids that tough times don't last, but tough people do. We'll have to help our neighbor find a job, because next thing you know, it could be us asking for work. We'll have to take an interest in our community, because feeling part of something may be the only way we climb out of this. We'll have to get behind the new president, whoever he may be, because a country as divided as this one will never be able to climb out of the muck. We'll have to find a laugh, together, in cutting back to one car, or taking a local vacation, or living without computer upgrades, because if we can't share a laugh over this whole mess, we'll just want to cry. Worst of times, best of people The well-to-do will have to accept that poor people are not stupid or second class -- former high-flying executives are now out in the street, too -- and those living paycheck-to-paycheck are not here to be taken advantage of. The less well-off will have to accept that wealth is earned, it is not a right, it is not something you're supposed to have just because people on television have it. You save, you sacrifice, you avoid debt -- those are qualities of admirable folks, not suckers. The comfortable must know that if they don't help those in need, the needy may be pushed to the brink. The needy must believe that, no matter what, you don't lose your soul over this, you don't steal, you don't rob, you don't break the law for money. These are depressing times, awful times. But they also can be times of opportunity. How many of us know a parent or grandparent who claims the greatest lessons they learned came from the Depression? How many of them harken back to that as a time when we realized what was really important, and we all pulled together? Our turn at that may be coming. If so, dial down your anger. Help someone out. Appreciate the life you have, knowing it could be worse. And slowly, surprisingly, this rainstorm may actually bring us closer together. I don't know if we're strong enough. But I know how it begins. Take a small step. Be nicer to one another. Stop seeing the next guy as your enemy, and start seeing him as your friend, a friend in need, a countryman indeed. post comment

The Election: It Had to Be this Way [08 Nov 2008|04:43am] magyar_saman [ mood | cynical ] Sauce The Democrats winning Congress and the White House just had to happen. If we are ever going to change this country from an empire to a representative democracy, we have to rid ourselves of the notion that one corporate political party can do anything toward that goal. Barack Obama will be the catalyst for a new movement, away from false hope and false promises, not because he will deliver to the people of this country anything worthwhile, but because he won’t. This will be the final nail in the coffin of our corporatist society. There are so many so-called “progressives” that have believed that it was the Bush Republican neo-cons that have gotten us where we are. This is wishful thinking. The Democratic 110th Congress did nothing but rubber-stamp every bill that was put before it. Democrats have blindly caved in to fear of being called “anti-patriotic” if they voted against the meaningless war in Iraq. They put their political fortunes ahead of their conscience at every opportunity, from Pelosi taking impeachment “off the table” to voting for the new FISA bill that granted telecoms immunity from illegally working with the executive branch to illegally eavesdrop on US citizens. They passed every military budget and went along with almost every Bush attack on our civil liberties. How one could possibly imagine that Barack Obama or any other Democrat could undo the damage they helped to create is just wishful thinking. This election had to happen this way if we are ever going to understand what we are up against. I voted for Barack Obama because it happened to be a win-win situation. The truth must be told and this is the only way to tell it. When the phony left, the ones who claim not to be liberals, but “progressives”, understand that there is not a dime’s worth of difference between the Corporate GOP and the Corporate Democrats, then we will see our way to a rebirth of our civil liberties. This is the only way to convince the die-hard Democrats that their party has changed, and not for the better. The American Empire is alive and well operating in concert with the DNC, make no mistake about it. I wish I was wrong, in fact I would welcome any type of change towards a real representative government that put the people first, but I am saddened when I write that all indications don’t point that way. The time for real change is now. I must tell you that the change we seek will not come from the President-Elect, but from the disgust and anger we will all feel when corporate interests and the Military Industrial Complex (corporate welfare) dominate the Democrats agenda. War will not end; it will be moved to different theaters. We have seen both Obama and Biden accuse the Russians of aggression towards Georgia when most Americans realize that it was the other way around. These facts should not be lost on anyone. Many Progressives tell us that they will “hold the Democrats feet to the fire”. This is also wishful thinking. They said the same thing after the 2006 election. Their feet were unfettered and the only thing that was held to the fire was their concern for the majority of Americans that have been disgusted with their county’s behavior. Nothing changed with that Democratic Congress; excuse after excuse was silently borne by those Americans that should have known better. Now the time has come to actually put up or shut up. Mr. Obama has already chosen a Democratic interventionist in Joe Biden, a man who never saw a war he didn’t like. The self-proclaimed Zionist that has stood with AIPAC since its inception, a man that ranks right up there with Bush when it comes to Iran and Palestine. Obama has also kowtowed to the Israeli’s, and there doesn’t seem to be any hope for those that want America to look at both sides of the tensions in the Middle East. We will blindly follow the Israelis as far as they wish to take us, for their own self-interests. This is what we have to look forward to. We can count on the Democrats to put Wall Street first with more massive bailouts instead of fixing the root of the problems we have. Corporate self interest and government intervention will be the norm. I can see four years ahead when the Democrats will claim that President Obama only did what he had to do to ensure another term so then he will really be able to “fix” things. Maybe by then the majority of Americans will realize that they have been taken for a two decade ride. I can hope that by the time the next Presidential election comes along; both corporate political parties will be regulated to the dustbin of history. I don’t want to make money or live in a militarily strong country. I don’t want to see America rule the world. I just want our country to do the right thing when it comes to its citizens. I want the middle class to grow again. I want our children to get a first class education. Terrorism is overstated and used to disguise wars for resources. We should be spending our time devising new alternative energies. We should be spending more on cancer research and less on weapons of war. We should be able to feed and clothe our poorest of citizens. We should stop borrowing against the future and we should be working to cure the ills of today. One more M1A1 Tank will not feed a community. The statues quo is criminal. It was devised and put in place by criminals. They should be charged for crimes against humanity. Will this happen? I don’t believe it will. The next chance that comes along, recycled neo-cons will be put back in office four or eight years hence. We will continue to use the world for our military stomping ground. That is, unless we learn from what the new Democratic Congress and the new Democratic President will bring. I’m afraid we will again be hoodwinked. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I’m hoping that won’t happen, but I have my doubts. I can only hope that Americans see this for what it is, and that’s just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Unless the Democrats develop some kind of conscience, or the American people develop some kind of awareness, I believe we are in for a very rough ride. Still, it has to be this way. I couldn’t have planned it better myself. post comment

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