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September 10th, 2008
12:02 am - Visitation (Not THAT kind)
Tonight is my first night visiting my family and I have to say that at this moment I am utterly bored. It's not that my company is boring, it is just that I am used to having something to do at this time of night. There isn't much to do out in the country on the outskirts of a small town. I should have brought my car with me. At least I could drive around town and seek out someone to hang around with. Maybe see an old friend in the local 24 hour supermarket and catch up on what has been going on.
I realized yesterday how much I do not want to move back in this area. I won't be moving back to the small town, but the bigger town about twenty minutes away. It still doesn't make much of a difference considering that everyone in this area acts the same. Excluding my friends, and some family who are open minded and accepting.
What I will miss most about living in Austin is the anonymity. Nobody knew who I was and didn't care to know. It was a big relief not having people stare at me while grocery shopping or hearing hushed whispers when I browsed clothes. I despise how the people in this small town act like they are better than you, how they judge you, and how they look down on you for being somewhat different. I will miss Cheapo's, Vulcan Video, Family Thrift Store, New Mandarin Chinese food, and everything else that made Austin an ideal city to live in.
I'm not moving until the end of the month. I'm writing all of this because I have nothing to do and my mind is surprisingly clear.
I do miss living out here in the country as well. I don't feel cramped up in a beehive and my mind can actually wander without feeling like it is going to be lost. I do find isolation quite pleasing sometimes.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: "Temptation"-Rosetta Stone
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September 9th, 2008
12:42 am
It's strange how disconnected I feel sometimes. Like somewhere in the past I have died, and everything that is happening now is just an illusion. I am just a spirit in complete ignorance of my death and I am existing in a made up reality. I think I have been isolating myself too much lately. Yeah, that is most definitely my problem.
I hate myself when I am too social, and I am unhappy when I am alone. I was on a good path before reality really hit me. I was trying to become a better human being. More caring of others, more helpful, more compassionate, but somewhere along the way I fell off that path. Now I don't know where I am going with all of this.
The only thing I really have going for me is being an online radio DJ, and I am not sure how long my position is going to last. I can not help my deviations. I have a tendency to become reclusive, and communication among the management is something required.
I'm going to my parent's place around noon and staying until Thursday afternoon. I hope things will still be good when I come back..
Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: "Procession" -45 Grave
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September 7th, 2008
07:17 pm - Rosetta Stone
I was listening to my Rosetta Stone album today on the way to the grocery store. Yes, somehow I found money. There was one particular song that really caught my attention. The lyrics describe my situation more than I would like them to. Well, I'm not a boy but that is not the point..
Small Town Boy (Lyrics)
You leave in the morning
With everything you own
In a little black case
Alone on a platform
The wind and the rain
On a sad and lonely face
Mother will never understand
Why you had to leave
But the answers you seek
Will never be found at home
The love that you need
Will never be found at home
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Pushed around and kicked around
Always a lonely boy
You were the one
That they'd talk about around town
As they put you down
And as hard as they would try
They'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them
Just to your soul
No you never cried to them
Just to your soul
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Cry , boy, cry...
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "Morning Dew" -Einsturzende Neubauten
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